The Christmas card.
I think the gesture is lovely but so many people I’ve met get so wrapped up in making them, they get crazy. I’ve watched my Christian friends go about this card making process like they’re sending one to Jesus himself, especially those that have kids.
MOTHER: Wait, she’s drooling. Hold on, he’s got chocolate on his lip, Oh no, did he just take a dump? Dammit, did he do it before or after the flash went off? Great, now we’re going to spend the rest of our lives in purgatory.
My sister is the only member of our family who sends out “holiday” cards. Although, she believes very deeply in Judaism, she is still the most Protestant Jew you will ever meet, to the point where my family calls her the “Jewstestant”. It was her idea to hang a framed picture over the fireplace of her family sitting together with their golden retriever, all of them wearing their kelly green shirts and their yarmulkahs. I always laugh when I see that because the only one that really likes the dog is my nephew. If I’d known, I’d have tried to convince my sister that the picture would have just as good had she been holding a stuffed one. So quaint, you could cry, but not in front of my sister, no, she never shows her feelings which is why her boots all have straps on them while, mine, Ms. Bern/stein/o/wich/berg’s, come only with zippers.
The thing is, I love getting the cards because it makes me feel so popular. I remember when I first got divorced, I put mine up on my mantelpiece. I did it just to show my ex how many friends I still had. He had very few on top of his fireplace that first year. I believe I had double but that’s because amongst the cards from friends was the one I got from my gardener and my newspaper guy.
This year I have received a total of zero. I’m fine. Really. I know what my friends look like. I know they want me to have a happy holiday. I know they’re too busy to care about my well being, that they have all turned into a raging bunch of anti-semites, I know.
Zero? You mean mine hasn’t reached you yet? Or is mine simply a given? I hope it is not lost in the post.
Did you email me your address?! I’ve only received two so far – one from a relative, and one from a friend in Europe who mailed it really early so it would make it in time. I think they’ll start piling in soon. And I, for one, would LOVE to get one with Phoebe on it!
Without fail, our mail-person always gives us a holiday card. I’m sure its so we know the name to write on the envelope which contains her holiday cash gift. Nice to have friends…
I sent you a mental card .. it had vodka bottles and cookies on it.
Yeah, I didn’t even send mine out yet and I’ve only gotten 1 so far. They’re coming. Because event the people that don’t like us tend to fake it this time of year, right?
I’ve only gotten 2 so far. And mine haven’t gone out yet.
Hot tea almost squirted out my nose at “Jewstestant”. Thank you for the laugh! I really needed it.
I’d send you a card AND a tin of cookies. How’s that?
Love Jewtestant! : )
I will send you a Kawaanza/Festivus card.
A Jewsetant, that’s awesome. I’m kinda the same thing, but from the other direction. My Jewish friends tel em I’m Jew-ish.
Maybe next year you send out your own with a gorgeous bird on it, the one fingered variety…
You kill me! Really. A Jewtestant! Cards up on the mantle to one up your ex! Seriously. Why can’t you live closer to me…like right next door. LOVED this post.
Merry Kwanazukkah!!
That’s why I always save last year’s!! Hang those up and use the few from this year as filler!!
Zero? Email me your address and I’ll add you to my Christmas Card database…I haven’t done our Christmas cards yet, I’m hoping I get them sent out before the New Year. 2011.
I LOVE getting and sending cards. It completely pisses Husband off, who hates cards…and pretends not to give a rat’s arse about receiving them. Husband actually has a large collection of cards for me, because he buys them and then forgets where he put them, thus leaving me cardless on important dates like Anniversary and Christmas.
Don’t start with the card thing! It’s all a vicious cycle that sucks you in and you can’t escape. Once you start sending them, you start getting them. And then you have to keep sending them so you keep getting them. And so people don’t think you have decided to STOP sending them to them, and therefore get their feelings all hurt…you see where I’m going with this.
I never sent cards out pre-kid. Now? I’m one of those card nazis. Okay, that’s a little harsh. Really, I’m more like a card hall monitor. I take the creating and sending quite seriously, but I’m lazy, so it doesn’t get done until a week before Christmas, pretty much guaranteeing that it will not arrive on time. Meh, it’s the thought that counts.
I got my first holiday card today, and they were picture cards from my niece in Florida. We’ve all drifted away from paper cards and moved to electronic cards. Wait, I haven’t gotten any e-cards either! WTF??
Apparently something is wrong with your feed in my reader. I hadn’t seen a post since mid November!
I am the worst about holiday cards. I love the idea – but my family will never post nicely for a picture. I’ve tried – truly – but they just won’t do it. and a card featuring three blurry figures doesn’t quite convey the Martha Stewart styling to which I would try to aspire… Looks like everyone’s getting another holiday e-mail card this year. I’d add you to my list – but you can’t put e-cards on the mantle. I mean you *could* but a printed e-mail propped on the mantle just looks sad.
hahah…I never send any myself, but then and then I always feel sad when no one sends meany except my obscure aunt and uncle who’ve I met once in my life…
Guilty. You read the post about the vibrating baby right? Because it was for the damn card… Anyway, not a Christian, but after the photo was done it took me all if 5 minutes to make the card. Then like 2 hours to address them all. Damn.
Alright. Great. I’ve completely forgotten that it’s holiday card season. And Christmas. Someone neglected to remind me and so now I have no decorations, no stockings hung, and no time (or desire) to stand in line to meet Santa.
Is it too late to convert to Judaism? I heard Hanukkah started today…
Two. We’ve gotten two and they are just those unsigned photo cards. They’re like business cards. I say if you haven’t signed them yourself, it doesn’t count.