DONE DEE DEE DONE, DONE, DONE
In the Oakland airport, the other day, Starbucks actually had the balls to charge me over THREE dollars for a bagel. I was carrying a million different bags, had Phoebe hanging from my purse telling me she needed to go potty and I was starving, so I paid. That was one of the post painful purchases I have ever made. Naturally, I was expecting it to be the best f**king bagel I ever ate, a bagel so Goddamned delicious that I would still be talking about it on my f**king deathbed but of course, that did not happen because I never got a chance to taste it. Why? Because it wasn’t really a bagel. It was a cinnamon and raisen flavored rock, a weapon, a doorstop even.
I was tempted to bite into it because I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that I had just spent a percentage of the Gross National Product on a bagel but then I thought about my teeth and realized how much they mean to me. I could have walked back and returned it but we were like fifteen hundred “airport” feet away from the Starbuck’s stand and there was no way I was schlepping back there.
An “airport” foot is the equivalent to what feels like an entire city block. Even the distance between two gates can kill you, depending on how much carry on crap you’ve got on you. I have literally held it in because the ladies room seemed too far away even though in reality it was probably more like fifty feet.
In the end, I went for a blueberry muffin. The stand was about a quarter of an airport foot away from where I was sitting and it only cost me $2.75. Plus, it was super soft and after I was finished eating it, I still had all my original teeth.
26 Responses “DONE DEE DEE DONE, DONE, DONE”
You did it. Thirty days and you still have your teeth. Brava.
Whoo-effing-hoo. We are done
You rock. Not the bagel, you.
(Also SB bagels suck.)
In a larger context, the muffin actually cost $5.75, because you wouldn’t have bought it if you hadn’t endured the bagel fiasco. This is one of the the hidden costs of rampant capitalism.
Just sayin’….
Congratulations. I’ve really enjoyed the last month, knowing there would be a giggle waiting for me in my computer every morning.
I once had to spend $5.99 US for a tube of toothpaste. That translates to about 30 bucks Canadian. For Colgate. I’ll tell you, I’ve never forced myself to enjoy oral hygiene more.
Congrats on finishing the month out!
On the other matter, you’re such a silly woman for thinking that coffee sellers from Seattle(?) could make a decent bagel.
Maybe I’m being a snob here, but I haven’t had a decent bagel outside the NYC metropolitan area.
Yay December! Stick a fork in November.
I’m so glad you stood up for the principal of the issue.
Airport food is the worst…and you’re trapped so you have to buy it or starve.
Congrats on your month! I’m very impressed.
I didn’t think New Yorkers age cinnamon/raisin bagels anyway. Maybe you’ve been in L.A. too long!
I equate airport food with theme park food. It’s not good, and it’s freaking expensive, but they have a trapped clientele, so they can get away with it.
While Starbucks coffee rocks me in many different ways, their food BLOWS (in only one way).
I’m so sorry I haven’t visited I just thought you hadn’t posted for several weeks because you had become embroiled in some sort of bagel-related scandal.
I love bagels, but I’m kind of picky. I hate the ones at Starbucks or from grocery stores. Have to get them at a decent bagel store in order to enjoy them.
I will never have this problem because I am the only person in the world that wouldn’t even go to Starbucks for the coffee. But I hear you on the airport situation, God I hate travel….
Let me assure you that airports in Australia are no different. Overpriced and full of crap. But instead of bagels (although we have those too) you might instead purchase a lamington. Usually a soft sponge cake, square shaped covered in chocolate and coconut. Except that at the airport, it’s like buying a building block.
At least my toddler could play with it on the flight.
… and this would be the reason I always toss a pb sandwich in my bag. ; )
Is 3 dollars a lot for a bagel? I lived in NYC for too long.
My husband and I got into our first post-wedding fight at the airport on our way to our honeymoon. It sounded like this: Me; “Look, I’m really thirsty (OK hung over) and I’m not drinking out of a filthy water fountain.” Him: “Three goddam dollars for a bottle of fucking water?!?!?” Yes, you could actually hear all those question marks and exclamation points.
I KNOW!! Most Starbucks food is bad. Well, except for the pumpkin scone and the mint brownie thing…okay, maybe everything that isn’t sweet is bad. Anyway…I thoroughly enjoyed your disdain for the bagel and I’m happy you still have all of your original teeth. Phew!
Sweetie… Coffee Bean, ALL THE WAY.
Nah, I’m joking. Their bagels get rock hard by the end of the day. I have to admit, Starbucks has better pastries and iced tea combos.
Glad to know you made it out of Oakland safely and congrats on NaMoBoLoYaDaSoMeThInGwHaTeVs!!
Maybe I’m being a snob here, but I haven’t had a decent bagel outside the NYC metropolitan area.
NY is overrated in so many ways, but such is life.
The beauty of the hard bagel is that the TSA has not listed it as being verboten on flights.
I bring a half dozen with me on every flight, just in case we are hijacked.
After hours of practice I am a dead shot from 20 rows with a water bagel and with a bialy I have twice the range.
Really, it is true.
Another thing about airports is that they currency there has a special meaning too… When you have so much baggage and are desperate, you’ll pay anything for a hard bagel or a soft muffin and think you got off lightly!
Exactly!!! I recently purchased a scone from a similar coffee chain here in the midwest and after one bite was so disgusted I had to throw the thing out. I complained but was told that other people really enjoyed eating these nasty clumps of carbohydrates and have never returned one. It was as if I had just taken 3 dollars out of my wallet and set them on fire for the hell of it. I feel your pain.
You’d think the airport would crack down on places selling weapons like a rock-hard bagel.
Starbucks is the evil empire.
If only you had that bagel when you were helping Phoebe with her homework…