A couple of weeks ago, this guy hit my Prius. My BRAND NEW Prius. He didn’t do a lot of damage, he just hit my bumper. We pulled over to the side of the road and started to exchange information. He gave me his insurance card, driver’s license and told me his name, I gave him my insurance card and my license and the joy of watching me pet my bumper and tell it “you’re going to be okay, you hear me?”
Last week, I brought my Prius to the body shop and proceeded to rent a car. Apparently, I didn’t notice the time machine I’d entered while walking through the doors of Enterprise, as when I got my car I discovered:
1. It had no electric windows.
2. No keyless entry or exit
and
3. The Lindbergh Baby
Later that day, I went to pick up Phoebe at the bus stop where she would be arriving from paradise or as she calls it, “camp”. As I watched the bus pull up, I couldn’t help but imagine all the living room furniture I can now no longer afford to buy so that my daughter could pet a horse three days a week and then wondered how she would react to riding in her new “no frills” environment.
When we got inside the car, she buckled herself into her booster seat, looked at the handle and asked me,
PHOEBE: How do I open the window?
JESSICA: Turn the handle.
She then looked me, looked at the handle, looked at me again and said:
PHOEBE: What?
I then went ahead and gave her a demonstration and when I was through she asked me:
PHOEBE: Where did this car come from?
JESSICA: The 80’s.
PHOEBE: Is that a store?
to which I responded:
JESSICA: No, it’s the worst part of my life and now thanks to you I have an overwhelming urge to wear shoulder pads.
PHOEBE: What are shoulder pads?
JESSICA THOUGHT: The fashion industry’s version of a penis.
what I actually said:
JESSICA: Things women used to wear because they thought it would get them higher paying jobs and if you want to know what a job is, today, it’s something that pays very little and comes with no health insurance.
Too funny! Not the crunched bumper, but the window crank part
I feel her pain! My driver’s window stopped working last week…no bank drive thru, hands-free carwash, full-serve gas pumps, nor *gasp* drive thru fast food for a week. Finally I threatened, uh, begged my husband to fix it…after waiting in a drive thru line for like the 4th day in a row having forgotten it doesn’t open! *sigh*
Was it one of those tiny cars you have to drive with your knees squished up to your chin? I can’t believe anyone actually buys those on purpose. Unless the person in question is a midget.
Did you at least find out if he was single?
I literally just sat here for the past three minutes, trying to compare a penis and shoulder pads, side by side. I don’t even know what to say.
Oh, it looks like Kate up there could change her name to Kate@SurroundedbyShoulderPads.
Shoulder pads aren’t cool?
(I know I’m not when I’m just sitting here, waiting for someone, anyone, to update their blog so I have something to read. Not that you’re just ANYONE…..but well, yeah…..)
JR just got in a wreck and we will be needing to rent a car. I had such high hopes for something better than the POS 1995 Sable that we are driving now. I will need to lower my expectations. It’s the story of my life. *sigh*
I agree with Kate – very funny post (and like she said, not funny about the bumper). When I was a kid, my dad had a sunroof that opened with a crank. My brother and I used to fight over who got to crank open the sunroof. Maybe your next rental car will have manual windows AND a manual sunroof. Think of how horrified your daughter would be!
But did someone leave a Journey mix tape behind in the cassette player?
Were there 8-tracks in the glove compartment? By the way, you now owe me because I keep singing Jessie’s Girl. (You know, I wish that I had Jessie’s Girl. Where can I find a woman like that??) I very well may email you a link to Sussudio.
I can’t even remember the last time I had a car with manual windows. Maybe in the early 90’s? As usual, very funny…except for the flashbacks of the 80’s. I’m trying to forget them!
Ok – you talked me into coming out from behnd my computer screen and leaving a comment. Who knew coming out like this would be so painful, yet cathartic? Congratulations on yet another riveting post. Your my favorite blogger out of my 163 subscriptions.
This post has Working Girl written alllll over it.
Damn woman, just when I thought we had this all worked out you delete me again. I thought we had an understanding. You don’t delete me and I don’t call the suicide prevention hotline. Your only caveat to me was as long as I didn’t insult old women and Rabbis you would let me comment. Well, I lived up to my end of the bargain.
So when that guy hit you, did you feel violated? How did that make you feel? Are going to eat that pickle? Hand crank windows are so last week. Are going to eat that sandwich? Listen next time we meet lets go to Junior’s. They got a great Rubens for $14.95. You’re buy’in right?
Shoulder pads are on my list of the five worst things to happen in the history of fashion. Seriously.
….ha! we had to use the same kind of car, and the boys LOVED the cranking windows…they wanted our next car to be like that.
Was the guy that hit you single?????
Last summer my husband Dean took Obama’s advice , and traded in his “Clunker for Cash”.
He traded in his 1991 Ford Explorer “station” car with over 200K miles, and no a/c for a Honda Fit. Cute little car. But he decided to do this transaction with out me. To no avail, he decides to “cheap out” and not get the key-less entry. It was an extra $300 dollars. What is that? $8 dollars a month over 3 years? I have to use the key everytime I get in & out of that car! Yes, I remember the 80’s everytime I drive my husband’s car!
Kristina P nailed it. The guy, Jessica, the guy! What about the GUY?
We love Phoebe of course. Don’t get me wrong . . .
Speaking of GUYS, in your clever reality-show audition tape (or was it in the text of your blog? yes, I think it was in the text) you mentioned a GUY.
So give it up, dear girl. We’re all ears.
Turning the handle to get the window open… interesting concept. Well, as long as she can operate her own blog, she’ll be able to survive life in the 21st century. Hilarious!
–>Why do people still make the circle gesture with their hand when they want someone to roll their car window down?
I guess Enterprise is keeping it alive.
~deb
Enterprise is soooooo yesterday. Time to move up to Rent-A-Wreck. At least you won’t be disappointed.
Awwww, your poor Prius! I’m glad you’re OK, aside from the time machine traveling and crank windows. And I’m curious to know if the guy was at least cute, too.
Aren’t you tempted to don the shoulder pads whilst driving the antique car?
I’ve stared at the car door before, wondering how to get it open when the key fob didn’t work. My husband finally told me in the most annoying tone “Use the key!” Ooooh, yeah. Duh.
I came over from Michele’s post as she linked ya. Glad I did. I’m sorry about your car but this post is funny! We bought our daughter a car without power anything for her first car and she looked at us like we were completely insane.
So funny, although the 80s were a great first 4 years of my life
We always keep at least one car that has crank windows, one media device that can’t be controlled by a remote and a butter churn in the house so we can build the kids character.
They’ll thank us for it when they’re Amish.
Ha! In Dec I got my FIRST car with power windows. Oh yes I did. My husband’s still has crank. Mine was a 1999 and his was 2000. Yes, a mere decade ago we were still of the “if it’s computerized it’ll probably break” school of thought. Losers, I know… Now I have remote start, power EVERYTHING.
My husband’s pickup has crank windows and I get an overwhelming urge to don a pair of Candies heels every time I ride in it. Hate it!
Holy crap, I didn’t know they actually still made cars with roll up windows. How retro and cool. If you’re not me.
See you in NYC?
I was sure somehow that it was Rick Springfield that had hit the Prius. Damn.
Rented a car at a conference this month – must have been the same car. Did it have Rhode Island plates?
Hold the presses! The LINDBERGH BABY?!
At least in the 80s, we had health insurance! Worth the shoulder pads? I’ll have to think about that.
We bought our new Saturn ION in 2004 and it doesn’t have power anything. Locks, windows, you name it–that would have been an extra $2K! People look at us like we’re cave people.
Thanks for the laugh! I have to say that leg warmers have to be right up there with the shoulder pads. That and the huge hair courtesy of Aquanet. Oh, the 80s….
I had a high school student once named Aquanetta. Just thought I’d add that…..
My step daughter goes “who’s Bruce Springsteen” to me the other day. Kids these days, I tell ya…
UGH, shoulder pads! UGH, windows you have to roll down! I drive my van over the car for that very reason.
Yes, but unlike the keyless, brakeless Toyotas, at least your car will stop. And I still wear shoulder pads. I have no shoulders. I know they’ll be back around eventually. This post was hysterical. Well written, Jessica. The Lindburgh baby. Good one!
Loved this. I can’t believe they were even renting cars that old. Seriously. Oh, and the Lindbergh baby? Awesome.
What ever happened to getting PAID for work? I’m getting a pair of shoulder pads. The foam ones with sort of defined edges- those were the best.
Hilarious! I can just see your daughter or any child trying to understand the concept of a manual car window. The indignity of it all.
I am apparently very 80’s as my van not only has manual windows and locks but also no radio (stolen) and the a/c is broken so we drive around with the windows down to “cool off” in the 90 degree humidity. I like to call my vehicle “retro” though. Or vintage. Yeah… Vintage has a nice ring to it.
Reminds me of my first car. ‘69 Dodge Dart Swinger with the Slant 6 engine. No power anywhere, steering, brakes, windows- nada.
But it was a hell of a lot of fun when I was 17.
I feel your pain – I adore my Prius. Whenever I drive my son’s Civic – which has crank windows and requires a key to get in, it always throws me. He loves it, though, and says it’s old school.
Just to let you know, I’ve had to change my blog’s URL. This avatar links to the new site.
Oops, forgot to change the website in the comment form.
Were you wearing your scrunchie on your wrist when you picked her up?
LOVELY!! Well, at least you didn’t overlook your motherly duty of taking advantage of a teaching moment with your child! ;D
First – I haven’t been around so have to say I love the new look!
Second – it cracks me up looking at pictures of myself in outfits with shoulder pads. The 80’s – where fashion went to die.
I so remember the window crank… I still had that years after they started becoming obsolete.