I was in NYC for a week with Phoebe. Being a child from L.A., she wanted to take a taxi everywhere. Being an adult who spent her childhood in NYC, I told her to suck it up and walk.
She quickly adapted to the situation and as a small bribe thank you, I decided to buy her a treat. We were passing by this one upscale French style restaurant/cafe and the desserts in the window looked amazing so in we walked.
For a change, I was the one who needed to go potty and before we sat down, I took Phoebe with me to the bathroom.
This particular restroom was meant for one person and at that particular moment, that person was not me as when I opened the door there, not four feet away, was this preppy guy in his 20’s sitting on the toilet for both Phoebe and I to see.
Clearly, he hadn’t locked the door, leading me to wonder if the guy got off on this type of exhibitionism or he actually believed the bathroom was in fact his home, something that would seem crazy to most people but if you’ve ever lived in NYC you’d know that a space that small could still very easily qualify as a studio apartment.
On instinct, I quickly threw my purse in front of Phoebe’s eyes whereupon, she instinctively shoved it away, yelling:
PHOEBE: Stop it! I want to see too!
I quickly closed the door and as we looked for a place to sit, passed a couple sitting at the table closest to the bathroom. As I slipped by, the woman stopped me and said:
WOMAN: You’re about the third person to walk in on this guy.
to which I replied:
JESSICA: Someone should lock him in from the outside.
Finally, Phoebe and I sat down and I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed spending the first five minutes of our little treat time together answering her question which was:
PHOEBE: Where did his penis go?
Trust me when I say that in a million years, I never thought I’d be having the following exchange with my five year old GIRL.
JESSICA: It was tucked inside the toilet bowl.
JESSICA: Because it works out better that way. Now, do you want to order a grilled cheese?
PHOEBE: Why is it better?
JESSICA: Because cheese is made from milk and it’s good for your bones.
PHOEBE: (loudly) No, why does his penis in the toilet bowl work better?
JESSICA: (now whispering) Because he can do pee and poo at the same time.
PHOEBE: (excited) I do that but only sometimes, not all the times, I can’t.
JESSICA: Yes, that’s very true.
Right at that moment the guy finally exited the bathroom. I really had to go by this point, so I took Phoebe with me again and this time sloooowwly opened the door. It was empty. We walked in and I immediately looked for the lock which was this wimpy little bolt that a fetus could master. I bolted the door shut and had just started to pee when there was a knock on the door. As I yelled out:
JESSICA: There’s someone in here!
Phoebe simultaneously screamed:
PHOEBE: It’s okay, she doesn’t have a penis!