What is wrong with me when I'm in my car and a guy rolls by me
riding a unicycle, in the middle of traffic, dressed for work and all I
can think is, "Damn it, I forgot to buy waffles!"
How inured am
I to living in this insane city when a man in the parking lot of my
grocery store gets out of his car wearing a full on gas mask and my
first thought upon seeing him is, "I really need to buy another bra."
and lastly:
Is it time to head for the burbs when some guy cuts you off in traffic and your first reaction is to yell out, "It's alright. Go ahead!" and mean it.
Obviously seeing these men makes you hungry, probably for their companionship. And makes you feel sexy so that you want to buy nice underwear. And that you want to be submissive to these men and have them take the lead.
Lie down and tell me more. Did you have a happy childhood?
What?
Is there something wrong with these scenarios?
I – for one – have grown quite used to the absurd. . .
I think you need to get out more – so you remember what you need to buy!
I think you need some medication. Or crack.
So a gas mask triggers thoughts of new bras? Hmm. What does your analyst say?
I never thought of a correlation of gas masks to bras. But now I will. When I see a gas mask. Maybe you do need medication or crack like Kristina mentioned…or lots and lots of wine!
Dang it. Forgot to change my underwear.
and i thought i had random thoughts. i think you win!
You are just the laugh I needed this evening! Thank you!
If you’re yelling out niceties to people who cut you off in traffic, you are the LAST person who should leave the city! They NEED YOU!
What’s with all the guys? I think someone’s a little boy crazy…
But hilarious as usual.
Man, I’m all out of kleenex.
Odd..just last week I passed a guy on a unicycle.
Note to unicyclists: Not sexy, no how.
I’d see the gas mask and think waffles, but that’s just my cooking.
You live in New York, right? I have no idea what would come to mind if I saw someone riding a unicycle. but, underwear??
You need sleep or new medication perhaps starting your day with a stiff bloody mary will help!
That is precisely why I feel I live in the wrong city. I belong over there with you crazies.
You know that gas-mask man is talking to his friends right now, “Hey guys, I saw this crazy lady the other day. She totally needed a new bra!”
The most important thing is if you remembered to buy the waffles.
Unicycle? Must be a west coast thing. Never seen a unicycle here on the east coast. Um, so I guess that would be my thought.
It means you are rolling with the punches, a sure sign of sanity. Enjoy it while it lasts!
Well it’s pretty clear that you’re not around here, because a gas mask would mean “Crap, Dow released something terrible and I somehow didn’t get the message, now I’m going to die!”
I read this and thought of a nice witty comment to post but after reading Maelstroms decided mine wasn’t funny enough.
Hate that when someone posts the perfect reply, especially when it’s the first comment as well. Damn you Maelstrom.
I thought I had weird random thoughts but mine are nothing compared to yours. But then again, I’ve never seen a man riding a unicycle outside of the circus or seen man wear a gas mask to the grocery store. I’m really missing out!
You’ve reached that perfect amount of insane. Yup. You’re just right.
It only means that:
1. The uni rider PASSING you is going to get to his destination faster than you and eat first. You’re hungry. That’s all.
2. Gas masks resemble bra cups. No worries.
3. Everyone needs a break now and then. You must have realized the driver’s desperation. That’s so sweet of you.
What’s wrong with me that I read this post and want to eat waffles? All of the waffles.
Now look Rubbish, you’ve put me in a spot and I don’t know whether to be sorry or thankful.
THIS is why you should always carry a camera! So you can share these amazing moments with us!
i dont know why you want to leave LA
i NEVER get to see people on unicycles. i will resent my subpar commute for the rest of time, now.
That city will eat you alive, girl. Plus a tip: Costo has 3-packs of bras in plastic cylanders. They’re awesome.
I believe you’ve reached your saturation point. You officially have lost the will to engage anymore.
However, Unicycle? Isn’t that kinda tippy and uncomfortable for a commute??
The Doctor is Real In: Clearly you are in a vulnerable state. The onslaught of near-constant multi-media advertising has you responding to events like a consumer-zombie. And this submissiveness has now begun to encroach on other areas of life (I suspect driving is just one example). The risks to your overall well-being may well be grave.
Here’s the acid test – how would you respond if you were asked the following question by former NY Governor Eliot Spitzer?:
“So, would you like to go out with me?”
(http://www.nydailynews.com/news/2009/06/02/2009-06-02_hooked_on_hookers_ashley_dupre_just_1_of_many_for_spitz_atty_says.html)
Sounds like shit I’d think and I feel I’m quite normal … twitches and all!
It means you’re bitter like me. Nothing phases you anymore. That’s a good way to be.
This is why I do not live in CA anymore. When warped becomes normal, it’s a little scary. But, it does make for great blog material.
GET OUT! You’ve officially lived there too long.
For some reason I now have an uncontrollable urge for waffles. I never eat waffles. Uh, thanks?
That last one is basically a white flag of surrender.
I kinda wish I could have you over for coffee right now…or wine…yeah…wine.
I would be totally psyched to see a guy dressed for work riding a unicycle. Nothing fun like that ever happens around here. *kicks foot in despair*
Dear One, you’re just becoming one with the universe. Or the big city. But either way, you’re becoming a kinder, gentler soul. Your compassion for your fellow crazy man and your baser needs to eat and clothe yourself and show humility — things basic to your survival and sanity — will help you continue to live in the Big City. Don’t you feel better knowing it’s all in perspective? Shalom.
Seriously, I revel in that crap. Nothing makes me smile more than acceptable levels of oddness. Last time I was in city with my daughter, we walked right up the block behind the naked cowboy, who had just pulled out of the mayoral race. Many, many questions later, neither my 4 year old nor I was any closer to making sense of the scenario, yet I was so happily confused. I love that stuff — random clown on the subway, Someone playing a grand piano in the rain, unicyclists… (all my bikes were always stolen and I wanted to learn just to thwart theft.)
I haven’t had a waffle in years. Man, I want a waffle.
On behalf of unicyclists everywhere I thank you for not running us down. We are an unprotected minority fighting for acceptance.
Let me know when the unicycle rider is wearing the gas mask….then I might consider it serious….
Apparently you need help in the translation of said events. It means you need to take a vacation to Hawaii and drink sunset cocktails with me with sand on your toes.
PS Iknow you said you were nottaking comments on the post about your moms seminar, but she should do one in LA too. I’ll send my sis, who has been separated from her hubs for 10 years and still has not gotten a divorce.