This is me when I was eight years old. I would first like you to take note of my Danskin outfit that was all the rage back then and my nifty hairband, similar to one that I still wear today, which could be the reason why I have so much “alone” time.
I am the youngest of three girls, so by the time it got around to me, my parents’ fascination with the camera? Not so much. It didn’t matter what I did, everytime, I’d get the same response:
“We’ve seen it already. Try something else. No, no, uh-uh, yeah, okay, yeah no, sorry.” In fact, they had me believing that the camera broke soon after this photo was taken and that it took years for them to save the money to buy a new one. Of course, I fell for it. How I could have been so naive at the age of 8 is beyond me.
I look a lot my daughter in this photo. I was the same size as she is now and like her, already contemplating my life as a stripper. Of course, I’m kidding, Phoebe and I would never strip for money, me because no job is worth it if it involves rhinestones rubbing up against my hemmorhoids and Phoebe because she knows I’d shoot her the minute she showed up for her first day of work. Phoebe is also a snazzier dresser than I ever was and thankfully doesn’t have to compete for Mindy Levine’s attention with Bonnie Cohen and that thumb sucking kiss-ass Gail, something something ‘owitz or man, I think it was.
Just like Phoebe, I always wore pants. Still do. Never know when a game of kick ball is going to break out. Yes, I’m 44 and I’m telling you, it can happen at any time and hell if I’m going to be caught in a skirt although if I was and I did play, perhaps my “alone” time would be cut in half.
Tell me what I was thinking in this picture. Hint, I’ve been like “me” my whole life. Leave a comment. Whoever comes closest to hitting the mentality nail on the head will win a $20.00 gift card to Starbucks. My very close friend will pick the winner because she insisted.
so i am not very good at these types of ‘guess the caption’ things, but since i am here, i do have a slight bone to pick with you. i notice on your header you promise that we won’t have to meet your family if we read your blog, yet we all had the pleasure of meeting your mother the other day. remember?
so while i might not be armed with a clever way to mock you in your photo, i will mock your empty promises.
that’s all i got.
I think you are thinking “One day I’ll be a star and they’ll all be sorry. Oh yes, they’ll be sorry!”
You’re thinking the guy in front of you in the speedo has a verrrrrrrry nice bulge.
“Take the picture already!”
I wear skirts and dresses a lot. Just to give people a peek of what they are definitely missing.
Dude, you call that big?
Is the wind right? I want to look like Judy Blume.
Hmmm.
My guess “Suck it”.
“Sure, they pick THIS moment to capture. The time I got to play the shikseh in the Sunday school play, it wasn’t that important, but now?”
“Why is that nice police officer walking toward me with handcuffs out?”
“Stop the world, I want to get off.”
“Way to go, jackass. You’re supposed to WASH the windows, not MOLEST them…”
Ok, practicing my pose for the press line at the Oscars. Like this? Or… Wait! That’s all I get? One picture?
“she has a pony. Why don’t I have a pony? Who knows? All I know is that this is the only picture my parents have of me and I still don’t have a pony.”
Am I even close?
Why do I have to wear this purple coat, my crazy aunt gave me….no way in hell am I smiling!
You are wondering how your mother could have possibly gotten out of the car in her bathrobe after dropping you off at school and thinking this was a good time for a picture.
“I am one hot piece of gorgeousness. Look at the wind whipping through my hair. How can you
possibly resist me?”
No idea.
But how adorable are you??
Dear woman holding the camera (or mom as you prefer to be called),
Thank you. For making me dress up all presentable today, collared shirt, hair pulled back. This will come in so handy at the mud fight/dodgeball/wrestling match I’m participating in this afternoon.
And thank you for choosing this moment to capture forever on film, looking least like myself.
Come see me in an hour when I’m covered in mud and kicking some serious pre-pubescent boy ass.
And, no, I will not look at the camera. But I will walk away smirking at my own rebellion. Have fun shaking your Polaroid.
Best,
Jessica
You are THE ONLY OTHER PERSON to date [that I've come across] who is aware of and has worn Danskin outfits. I wish I had some now. They always matched. I had full range of motion when I cartwheeled and ran. Awesome clothes.
I don’t know what you’re thinking, but you look just the same. Cute, cute!
“Back off cuz the lugie (sp) is headed right for your face!” From one kick -ass kick ball player to another!
“just take the fucking picture already.”
I look good, but, is it good enough?
“Yes, I’m Cool.”
Love it that Phoebe is a Mini Me of you – Princess Nagger is a Mini Me of me, which is pretty scary, actually.
Milk money my ass, Bully. I don’t take shit from cheap men.
Cue intro to Saturday Night Fever’s Stayin’ Alive…1,2,3. and Strut…”well, you can tell by the way I use my walk, I’m a woman’s man, no time to talk..”
and I know that’s what was going through your head…you were way ahead of your time and you were so John Travolta.
Tell me you’re not strutting right now as you hum along with that intro music…
“See… the grass IS ALWAYS greener…”
“Take a picture, it’ll last longer”.
or
“What the hell are YOU looking at, assmunch?”
Back up farther than that!! Keep going! Farther. Nope. Farther than that….I’m kicking this ball over your house, Gail. Beat it!
“My mother had better have film in that camera because this would be the perfect photo to send in to audition for that kids’ show, ZOOM!”
“Wow, I didn’t know a burrito could cause that much gas!”
You are thinking:
“You want me to do something different eh? Well, there…now I’m shitting in my pants and you are making it a Kodak moment for all time. Highway to the danger zone bitches!!!!”
“I thought Jimmy who sat behind me was my knight in shining armour turns out he’s only a retard in tin foil” ?
Story of our lives no? lol
I have no idea what you were thinking, but I have to say – I wished so for a damn Danskin outfit.
You continue to be as cute as you were in that photo. xo
JUST saw this – so I missed my chance to guess. But I saw that winner’s comment and I have to say – that is exactly what I’m thinking in 90% of the pictures taken of my now. And since I’m only in a picture about 10 times a year – I have very few good ones.