My daughter likes dinosaurs. I don’t. To me, going to a dinosaur exhibit is the equivalent of walking around staring at air. I would rather see those “squeaquel” idiots, what are they called again? Right, the chipf**ks. I would rather see them than a T-Rex.
Naturally, today Phoebe was insisting I take her to the dinosaur museum. The last time we went it was so dull. All the skeletons looked exactly the same and they all go by almost the exact same name. I’m not positive because by the time I get to the eighth syllable I’ve usually fall asleep from boredom.
The other reason I’m loathe to go is because when we leave, my job as a mother is to talk to her about it, which only prolongs the agony even more, never mind there’s never anything to say. Although Phoebe loves it, she has no name recall either so the conversation ends up being:
JESSICA: So how did you like it?
PHOEBE: It was good.
JESSICA: Which dinausor did you like the best?
PHOEBE: The one with the big teeth.
JESSICA: So you liked all of them the best did you?
PHOEBE: Yeah. Can we go to the gift shop now?
Quite frankly, I was tempted to offer her the chance to just go straight to the gift shop and skip the dinosaurs altogether. Luckily, instead, we ended up playing “The Memory Game”, which if you’re over the age of forty, is a litmus test for how far along you are on the pathway to total senility. It’s where you lay a thousand cards face down on the ground and then you get to turn over two at a time and hope to find a match. If you don’t you have to turn the cards back over which is when you start to realize, ” Yesterday, I went to buy some eggs and came home with everything BUT eggs. How the f**k am I supposed to remember where the hell that other bear is? ”
Naturally, Phoebe wins almost every time and if you think it’s because I’m letting her, you think wrong my dear. I play to win. I’ve always played to win. I usually prefer where there’s money at stake, problem is she doesn’t have any. One time, not long ago, she did have a few singles my ex husband had given her. I was tempted to get her to ante up but we were playing Connect Four, so I decided it was too risky.
Perhaps if she was on a sugar high, I would have a chance. It’s something to consider, I’ll admit.
There are people out there that don’t believe in dinosaurs (I really don’t get their argument that God placed the bones on Earth to confuse the non-believers…). You could threaten to take her to one of those churches.
Though that could be risky as it could be one of those snake handler places.
Knowing your luck, she’ll grow up to be a paleontologist.
I don’t get the dinasour fascination either..I mean, they are so old.
I stink at the memory games. I would never ever bet money with someone younger than I.
I’d prefer to see the Chipf**ks eaten by a T-Rex. Bring Phoebe to Houston, we’ll have one of my grad students take her to the Science Museum. Then we’ll head to the bar.
okay, it just ate my comment, so if a half-baked one slips thru, it’s mine…
It was a good one, but too long to repeat. Anyway, with Phoebe, it could always be worse; she could be hooked on Britney Spears, right?
What a good mom to schlep her thru an exhibit you’re not crazy about! Hopefully she remembers this when you’re old and want her to take you out of the home for the day.
The Natural “Mystery” Museum is our home-away-from-home. Thanks God they have those self-flushing toilets that terrify my kid (and me) so our time there is always limited. Instant-Bidet-O-Saurus.
What I hate most is when Jude makes me read one of his giant dinosaur tomes to him. I mean, who the hell knows how these freaking dinosaur names are pronounced. He’s pointing to each of them saying “what’s that one?” and I’m fumbling around with words like diptohypnodochalawutthefckasaurus.
I loathe most games, but I don’t mind Memory. I think it’s because I have a weird knack for remembering things with little to no significance and Memory is all about that.
Annie wants to be a paleontologist when she grows up….or a hula girl…or a ballet teacher…random much?
There are people who don’t believe in dinosaurs? Why not? I mean, do they think some weird people make the bones out of boredom? Are these the same people who think that WWE wresting is real?
And how many times have you watched for the bubbles in the La Brea Tar Pits? You’re a good mom. Maybe in the next Squeakquel, the Chipf#@&s end up in the Tar Pits. My boys always flew through every museum in less time than it took to buy the tickets. I would be putting away the change or cursing at the lack of it–and they were DONE. Then we all headed straight for the gift shop. It’s in the genes. I never met a gift shop I didn’t like.
I was grateful that D-Man’s dinosaur fascination didn’t last long. One advantage of ADHD…on to the next thing!
dinosaur museums, home depot, tomato, tomahto.
Yeah I’m thinking donuts with a hot chocolate chaser and then you take her down with the Connect Four.
Is that a new trend for girls? I wasn’t into dinosaurs when I was younger, but SB’s god daughter loves them.
It’s amazing how good 7 y.o. are at Memory. A bunch of us played with Joyce and she had us beat, badly. Her mom sat on the couch and yelled, “That’s right! She came out of me!!” Whatever… the adults had a couple of beers.
They’re also great at Taboo:
J: My grandma makes it.
Me: Joyce, I don’t know your grandma (Okay, Joyce is half Korean, half white…) Kimchi?
J: No… (long pause)
P: JOYCE! You have to give me more clues.
J: It tastes good.
I gave up. The word was meatloaf.
Maybe you should send Phoebe out here for a while – Princess Nagger would keep her busy with all the dinosaur loot Santa brought her for Christmas. Or I could send PN out there and she could teach you everything you never wanted to know about dinosaurs. Really, it’d be no problem, I could use the break from the education myself.
I actually do enjoy dinosaurs. I love going to the Natural History Museum. I wanted to be an archeologist when I was little. Of course, that was when I thought that being an archeologist meant being Indiana Jones. Turns out its way more boring. Oh well.
I am so glad that I am not the only one loosing at Memory. I have comforted myself with the thought that it’s because I just have too much genius rolling around in there, taking up all the space. And that really my five year old isn’t smarter… hahaha!
On my son’s 3rd bday we had a dinosaur hunt becuz he was so fascinated with them. We bought a zillion cheap little plastic ones and hid them like Easter eggs. It kept twenty wild little boys busy for ages looking for them. Just sayin’ ……
I love dinosaurs and memory – even though I don’t have a very good one…
When I was a kid the best thing about any visit to anything was the gift shop. You’ve raised a sensible girl.
I fear playing any of those memory games with kids as I’m sure it will tell me that I’m on that lonely road to Alzheimer’s already. Great post!
I suck at that game too. But I am older than you, so you might have a chance against me.
The King got a memory game for Christmas and I simply loathe the thought of playing it. Luckily he’s still to young to really understand just how to play it. Have a great week.
My soin keeps asking me to take him to the dinosaur museum. I keep distracting him with shiny things.
My kids have this game where you can pick a category and then a letter, and shout out a word that fits the category. They keep picking dinosaurs as if they’re those freaky children who know every dinosaur name by the time they’re 3 – but the only one they know is gigantisaurous, which frankly I thimk is made up
I crush my kids at memory 
Hmmm. Does this mean I shouldn’t suggest the La Brea Tar Pits for our rendezvous?