-1.7 for the hip and a -1.6 for the spine. Those were the results of my bone density exam which I had a couple of weeks ago. Why am I telling you this? Because that means I WIN!
For a long time my sister’s and I have been very competitive. We competed over how many friends we had, who weighed less, had nicer clothes and which one of us our parents ignored the least. Whenever my middle sister and I spoke it was usually her accusing me of wearing her favorite Huckapoo blouse and me lying through my teeth telling her “f**k you, I did not” or her going into her Joan of Arc monologue about how our parents never gave her anything and I how spoiled she thought I was to which I would respond, “It’s not like mom and dad just handed it to me. I have to ask every time,” knowing full well it would make her crazy.
When I got “my numbers” back from my bone density test, I immediately called my mother. “Don’t tell your sisters” she said, “I don’t want to get in the middle of all of you.” Of course, my first thought was, “yeah, because you know they’ll be jealous”. That’s right, no more envying each other because one is better looking, thinner or drives a nicer car, our rivalry now centers around things like the fact that as of today I am 25 percent less likely to break a hip than they are.
Osteoporosis runs rampant in my family. My only memory of my maternal grandmother is of a woman who seemed to purposely clear the phlegm from her throat at precisely the same time I chose to eat a meal and had a hunchback so pronounced, she spent a good portion of her day staring at the ground and yelling, “hey, look what I found.”
I remember when my oldest sister got diagnosed. Afterward, she actually called my mother and accused her of not giving my sister enough dairy as a child. My mother reassured her that she did all she could to prevent any of us from living a life where everyday would be “hump” day and if my sister would take a minute to look in a mirror she’d see that my mother had, in fact, succeeded.
When I was told about this conversation, I was thrilled, although I did question why my mother didn’t also take this as an opportunity to let my sister know that I was in fact her favorite. At the time, my mother claimed that it wasn’t true and as of yesterday, seemed to be sticking to her story.
One day, the truth will be revealed but for now, I’m just happy knowing that if all three of us tripped and fell at the same time, I would be the one least likely to end up pushing a walker and spending the next years of my life asking friends to pick me up a can of tennis balls because I popped one “running” to answer the doorbell. So, like I said, I WIN!
Ha!
My sister has a horrid history of UTI’s. Me? I’ve never had one (knock on wood). I may have type 2 diabetes, but my dietary restrictions are nothing compared to my brother’s no-dairy, no-eggs restrictions due to severe food allergies.
Though, I could tell you’ve been building up to writing this post for at least ten years.
I’m glad you won! My mom has been doing everything in her power to make sure her predisposition to osteoporosis doesn’t ever come to be and so far she is still doing great.
YAY! In my family…I got all the sexy. That’s the only way I can explain why I’ve been married 3 times and Bobbi hasn’t been married once.
Either that or I’m the stupid one.
Heh! Great numbers, Jess! Indeed *ding ding* Winner!! x0
Congratulations! Regarding your grandmother, “…who seemed to purposely clear the phlegm from her throat at precisely the same time I chose to eat a meal…” So funny. I have issues with food and body noises/functions/fluids.
Yay for you. My sister and I compete also. I have the highest cholesterol numbers and she makes twice as much money. Hmmmmm…..I think I’m losing but mom still loves me more.
Ha! You did win.
Now, they wouldn’t be falling because of you tripping them, would they???
You sum up sisterhood perfectly.
Congratulations on the win!
I want to take the test!! Does it hurt? How do they do it?!
No lie, I was drinking some milk while I read this post! For you. I was doing it for you and your bones. I just didn’t realize it at the time. I suppose I was doing it for me, too, because, as the granddaughter or a woman who was so stooped from this disease, the “hey, look what I found!” line completely did me in!
Damn right you win!
My momma used to make us drink a glass of milk everyday. Then she got lazy and stopped caring about our health and started buying us soda and sweet cereals. I miss the strict mom who used to yell at me for not memorizing the days of the week (in English and Vietnamese.)
I’m glad you won, but does that mean I need to buy you a present? What would you like? My budget is a fiver. Including postage.
Awesome news! Good results, AND you beat sis. AND you don’t have to do humorized versions of Boniva commercials on your blog, following in the footsetps of Sally Field.
I always wished I had a sister…
I have no idea what my bone density is…I think I’ll stick to worrying about breast cancer history. This aging thing sucks.
Clearly you have the bones of a teenager!
And holy shite – sorry I’ve been MIA, I think the wordpress switch messed with my reader because you weren’t updating. Missed you!
you beat the pulp out of me. We got this in my family too. What I am amazed by is how quickly pumping iron built me back up – who knew bone was like muscle? There is so much misinformation and many unknowns on this topic – I’m hoping it settles down in the next few years.
I am competitive, too, except, oddly, not with my sisters. Although I do remember lying through my teeth about not knowing what happened to their shirt that I had worn without their permission.
My favorite visual was your grandmother: she spent a good portion of her day staring at the ground and yelling, “hey, look what I found.”
First LOL of the day. Thanks, Jess!
Hey, Jessica, we both mention the word “osteoporosis” in our blog posts today! We must be connected at the hip. (But not the broken one…) Sisters. What can you do. Mine has a heart of gold and a rich, cheap, controlling husband. My husband has a heart of gold and an empty wallet. Who knows who the real winner is? Love your blog, you funny lady!
OMG, in a day of insanity, I really needed this laugh. My sisters and I will have to settle for competing over high cholesterol – not nearly as fun as broken limbs.
Well, obviously you are your mother’s favorite. And it would seem that you are fate’s favorite as well. It’s time to buy the lottery ticket, pronto.
OK, I laughed out loud at the line “my grandmother… had a hunchback so pronounced, she spent a good portion of her day staring at the ground and yelling, “hey, look what I found.”” and for some really odd reason, I see Billy Crystal, dressed like an old lady saying those exact words. I think I’m hanging around you too much.
Osteoporosis runs in the women in my family. I lift weights, drink milk, take calcium….but I have the tiny bones and will probably get it. So I’ll just say it: you win, okay? Happy?
But my “good” cholesterol is, like, 500, so THERE! Okay, maybe it’s only around 95, but that’s still amazing. AND I can wiggle my ears.
Now you send each of them a box of Viactiv with a nice litte note…
It’s so easy for me to be the favorite in my family. My sister is a bit nutty, to put it mildly. As long as I don’t accidentally spout some conspiracy theory, I’m golden. Good bone density would just be icing on the cake….
Wow, that’s harsh. But hilarious. Go you for having thick bones.