I used to think that if the first day of the New Year didn’t go well, it was a sign that the rest of the year would suck. I also have had many a therapist tell me that what is wrong with me is that I am a “disaster planner” or in other words, a typical New York Jew.
All this week, I have been sick. Exhausted mostly, but coughing enough that I have lost my voice, pretty much, and have felt it necessary to sleep with a humidifier by my bed. I have also been on my own, as my daughter has been with her father since our return from the greatest city in the world, New York, my hometown and the love of my life.
I have watched every documentary worth watching. I am now planning on trying out for Jeapordy (is that even still on?) being that I believe I now know a little bit about everything. I am addicted to the aptly named game”Trivia Crack”, and have made some headway this week into what I need to do to finally get back to where I was prior to telling my then husband he needed to leave, pronto.
Why after all these months am I posting? Because I feel strong today. I feel empowered and I wanted to shout it out to the world. Will it last? I believe so. Why? Well, I began to take my power back, if you will, last month and the feeling that came from that made me realize that I can do this thing called, “life”, I just have to continue to push forward despite the fears and the doubts, that I am as good, if not better, than enough people at what I do or want to do, and that it’s time to move on from all the anger and the bitterness.
Easier said than done, you bet. It’s a conscious choice, one I have to make daily, at this point, but when I do, I win and after feeling like I’ve lost and been losing so much these past few years, it has become clear to me, again, that if you want something that badly, you need to move mountains to get it and I’m ready.